Prior to working in private practice, Jake Freedman spent five years in the voluntary sector, providing long-term therapy to individuals with histories of addiction and early developmental trauma. This experience gave him a deep understanding of how adverse early experiences can shape behaviour and psychological functioning in adulthood. Since then, he has undertaken post-qualifying training in trauma therapy and trauma-related dissociation.
He holds a particular clinical and theoretical interest in states of depersonalisation, derealisation, and feelings of disconnection. His thinking and practice in these areas are influenced by object relations approaches and relational psychoanalysis, and he remains engaged with current research in these fields.
The Dilemma of What to Do With Our Things
Many of us living in London, when moving homes, have had to confront the logistical task of what to do with all the things we just don’t have space for. Common solutions to sell, give to charity, or throw away may leave us feeling we are parting with something we are still attached to and not ready to let go of. Hold Self Storage can provide space and time to reflect on this and what our relationship to these objects is really about. In this way, it facilitates a process of thinking about ourselves as a person through time; who we were, are and what we will become.
Why We Struggle to Let Go
We've all had that experience ourselves, or of a loved one struggling to separate from something that holds sentimental value or meaning. The reason these items may hold such significance is because they represent parts of ourselves we are either not ready to let go of, or are ambivalent about relinquishing. We may be trying to make sense of that part; whether to disavow it entirely or perhaps at some point to reclaim it. We may feel attached to such parts of ourselves because, at one time, they made us feel recognised, or gave us a sense of belonging. We may be in a state of questioning the role that this part of ourselves has in our life now. We may be unsure of whether it’s an “old” part of us, or if we are denying its significance because giving it up feels painful and conflicts with some of our other desires and goals.
Understanding Ambivalence
This is known as ambivalence; the ability to hold feelings that might seem contradictory at the same time. It marks a crucial step in our emotional development, moving from a polarised view where things are either good or bad (that memory box could one moment trigger feelings of longing and another moment the thought “what a [insert appropriate expletive]”), to an integrated view where we are able to acknowledge that things can be both good and bad simultaneously. In the latter, there are both genuine feelings of longing for things we miss about the relationship and feelings of anger or indignation, and most importantly, we are able to acknowledge that we can feel both towards the same thing. When it comes to storing things, we may feel pulled in different directions; we may want our things to be both near and far, remembered and forgotten. This internal conflict explains the paralysis we often feel. For instance, that inherited furniture is both a treasured link to a grandparent we loved and an impractical schmutter we wish we could just burn. The result may be simultaneously a sense of guilt and also a desire to find a constructive solution, one that honours the 'good' without forcing us to live with the 'bad'. This is where the function of self-storage extends beyond mere logistics. It provides that third option, a space to hold onto an object's history and meaning, free from the clutter and impracticality imposed by our real lives.
Objects That Carry Our Stories
Lots of different items can evoke these feelings: clunky textbooks that would fill a shelf from a master’s we just completed; furnishings passed down from grandparents that just wouldn’t look right in our new place; a box of memories from a past relationship. These may symbolise parts of yourself you feel you have lost, and thus you are looking for a way to reclaim and embody in a new chapter. Or, they may represent a difficult time in your life, a time that brings to mind memories and events you are still trying to understand and make sense of. Items that are often the most difficult to let go of are those where our identity is so suffused with their meaning that we are not able to comprehend ourselves as anything other than that person who obtained that certificate, or the person who received a special certificate of recognition.
Transitional Objects and Identity
These items are known as transitional objects. They are things we either hold onto, or are not quite ready to let go of, whilst we occupy a liminal space. In this case, this could be the space between a former role and a new one, or between an identity that no longer fits us and one which is yet to be fully formed. Hold Self Storage can be a container for these transitional objects; it helps to contain items that are inextricably linked to parts of ourselves, our narratives and histories that we are consciously or unconsciously trying to make sense of.
When Emotions Meet London Living
This emotional link between the items we own and our sense of who we are creates a sense of conflict between feeling and pragmatism. In a city like London, where every square foot of living space is at a premium, this internal, emotional conflict becomes an external, logistical one. We seem to be presented with a binary choice: either keep these items and sacrifice precious living space, or discard them and risk feeling that something is unfinished. Hold Self Storage introduces a compromise. It allows for physical separation without the burden of uncertain finality, and gives us breathing space to make a real, concrete decision that, at some point, we will probably need to make. The objects, and what they represent, are not erased, but archived whilst we give ourselves the time to think through.
Honouring Our History
The things we own, that we are contemplating discarding, are not clutter; they are actually part of our personal narrative and may be etched into our sense of ourselves. Honouring their significance by placing them in self-storage is a compassionate and practical compromise to the pressures of London living. It allows us to clear space without erasing or devaluing parts of our history.
